Why do I lie to myself and to God?

I’d like to introduce myself first. I come from Iraq and I live in Sweden with my wife and daughter for five years now.

First I ask you to pray for me because honestly I have a sin. Every time I insist to leave this problem, it appears and I go back to this sin.

I attend a church and I always hear that man has to choose his way, either with the world or with God. I don’t want to lie. I’m a sinner and I don’t deserve to be a Christian. I’m lying to Him as I go to church as if I’m a real Christian.
Why do I lie to myself and to God?
In spite of this, there is something that attracts me to the fellowship with the brothers in the church.
The strange thing is that there are people in my class at school from Iran and Kurdistan asking me for bibles. That draws me closer to God.

I don’t know if it is right to give them the Bible when I don’t know myself if I’m saved or not!
If you have the Bible or any other booklets that talk about Jesus Christ in Kurdish or Persian, I’d be grateful if you send some, because I speak Kurdish and understand Persian.